


Two ways to live your life

by Florchis



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, New Year's Eve, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 22:50:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11473296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Florchis/pseuds/Florchis
Summary: When Fitz notices that Jemma has left their New Year's party, he knows he will find her on the rooftop, looking at the stars. What he doesn't imagine is the news she has for him.





	Two ways to live your life

**Author's Note:**

> From a Tumblr prompt: "things you said on New Year's Eve". This is... not what I would usually write about Fitzsimmons, but this idea wouldn't leave my head, so here we are. This is not angsty by any means, but it isn't either your usual "big dose of fluff pregancny fic". 
> 
> Title from the quote: "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is."

Once he notices that Jemma is gone, it doesn’t take him much mental gymnastics to deduce that she might be on the rooftop.

He makes a gesture to Daisy to let her know that he doesn’t want anyone following after him, and when Daisy acknowledges him with a movement of her flute, Fitz jumps the stairs two by two, and he surely finds Jemma sitting alone on the rooftop terrace.

He makes a fair amount of noise by opening and closing the door, but Jemma doesn’t turn around to look at him.

“Is this you trying to tell me that you wouldn’t tolerate me at this weight for another year, and therefore I should start running on stairs?” He asks the question mostly to let her know that it’s him and that he is getting closer, not because he is actually concerned, although the fact that she is not looking at him _is_ concerning him a little.

“Come sit with me, Fitz.”

She moves her champagne flute to make more room for him, and Fitz can’t help noticing that it looks like she hasn’t touched a drop of it.

“Is there anything wrong, Jem?”

“Yes.” A pause, a tightening on his stomach. “No.” She lets him take her hand between his, and okay, whatever this is, they can go through it together. “I don’t know.”

“Do you want to tell me about it?” He is drying to know, almost literally, but he sometimes needs time when he is processing, and thought their mental processes are not exactly the same, he can only trust that she will come to him when she is ready to talk.

She makes a long pause, and when she replies with another question her eyes are lost on the stars.

“Don’t you sometimes feel amazed that, despite everything we have been through, we still got this? Still the same stars over our heads? Don’t you feel amazed that life is still going on, that there is a new year waiting for us, that we have turned thirty and there is decade upon decade of life waiting on us?”

"Amazed? Yes. But also grateful. We have come so close to losing everything so many times that everything feels like a full new opportunity, you know?” She hums and leans her head on his shoulder. Fitz hugs her mid-back with his left arm. “Is this all that is going on? Just melancholically philosophizing about life?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” It’s unlike her to be this indecisive, and Fitz drops a kiss to her hair. He almosts insists on his question, but finally decides against it, letting her do her processing on her own time. “I’m pregnant.”

Her confession feels like a blow to the chest, snatching all the air from his lungs, and all he can manage is to neither loosen or tighten his hold on her.

“... okay.”

“Okay? Aren’t you happy?” She doesn’t sound accusatory, just calculating.

“It’s not my place to be happy, Jemma.”

“Well, last time I checked it takes two to-”

“-not until I know for sure how _you_ feel about it.”

_“Oh.”_

“Yeah.”

He is not lying, exactly, but he is sure deflecting; he is trying to hold back all the feelings and the thoughts that are trying to arise at her confession, but this is her decision first and foremost, and he will be there for her not matter what. He can deal with how he feels about this later.

“Well, I’m not ecstatic. Not yet, at least. It’s hard, thinking about bringing a child to this dangerous world, into the hectic, terrifying lives that we lead.” She makes a pause and looks at him, looking a little uncertain, and Fitz nods, because well, she is not wrong. “But isn’t it amazing, too? To know that, that despite all the heartbreak and the physical pain and the tragedy that we have endured, that this is something that can still happen? To know that our bodies can power through, can overcome everything that has been thrown at them, and still come up with this miracle of life?”

He doesn’t want her to notice, but he is getting choked up, and when he tries to discreetly bring a hand up to wipe away a lone tear, she catches his hand in hers and brings it to her mouth to kiss it.

“What I am trying to say, I guess, is that even though we didn’t plan for this, not for now, and maybe not for anytime, I am in it if you are.”

He can’t help crying then, his face completely smashed against her hair, trying to hold her as close as two people can be without merging together, and maybe a little more too. She holds him too until his tears subside, and she then brings a tentative hand to his face.

“Is that- is that okay?”

“Oh, Jemma.” He kisses every inch of her hair he can reach, and then turns her head with his hand so he can kiss her face too. “It’s more than okay; it’s wonderful.”

“So you _are_ happy about it.”

“Of course. I’m delighted. But I didn’t want to pressure you. You know how it is: no uterus, no oppinion.”

She laughs a little, and he leans down to kiss her cheeks again, first one and then the other.

“We are never at our best when we do that, trying to take decissions alone." A pause. "I’m terrified, Fitz. But I know if there is someone with whom I can do this, it’s you.”

He nods, and no, no, those aren’t tears at his eyes again.

“We will figure it out. Together.”

“And we will have Daisy to be the most mollycoddle godmother a child can ask for.” He can’t help grinning, because yes, yes she will. “And you will be the cutest father ever.”

There are a myriad of fears waiting to bubble at the mouth of his stomach, but not yet, he won’t let anything ruin this moment, not even his insecurities. He slowly lowers his hand, until he places it over her abdomen, but without touching it.

“Can I?”

He can’t be sure with this light, but he would say that those are tears on Jemma’s eyes, too.

“Of course.”

Intellectually, he knows there is no perceptible difference between now and all the other times he has touched her there, but emotionally, _knowing_ makes all the difference in the world.

“I mean, not that is, is noticeable or anything, but, but it sure is something amazing, isn’t it?”

She looks at him, and he swears that the stars on her eyes are brighter than the stars on the sky.

“Yes, it sure is.”        


End file.
